I still can't believe.....

One of the many "hair do's"

Middle school

Family picture (around 2000, but I can't remember for sure)

Zak making us laugh again - goofing on the drums while visiting family in Utah...



I'm hoping they get their "weird" hair do's out of their systems before they get married!



My handsome boy - graduation picture

Playing in his band with his brothers is one of his favorite things to do.

...that 19 years ago today my first son, Zak was born. This post is dedicated to him, so bear with me.... Seriously, where did the last 19 years go? It seems just like yesterday that dad & I were deciding on names or worried that you'd come too early. As it is you did insist on coming 3 & half weeks early. But luckily you were just fine, incredibly small, but perfect in every other way. I will never forget the times before you could walk that dad had you on a skateboard & the skateboard ramp that you had as your "playground". I worried that you didn't have grass to play on but you could have cared less. You lived & breathed for skateboarding, even at the ripe old age of 2. You are your father's son, through & through.

You are my first born & because of that you hold a special place in my heart (don't get a big head I love you the same as your brothers, but there is something to be said about the first born, I just can't explain it). As a child I watched you grow & learn. Videos were a big part of your childhood, you loved watching Hook, The Sandlot, Barney, & Dennis the Menis (just to name a few) & you always cracked us up because sometime during the movie you would sneak off to your room to change into an outfit to match one of the characters in the movie. I was always amazed by those outfits & how well you did matching every detail even at a young age. You've continue to make us laugh over the years. You have a great sense of humor & have always been creative & as your grew so did your creativity.

You even thought of creative ways to make money. In middle school you sold candy bars to classmates & you often conned your brothers into a "lawn mowing" business. It amazed us that you were able to save money for things you wanted, even a digital camera. There are so many great memories that I can't even remember them all. I'm thankful that you have become a better big brother - I know it is a job that you acquired without any choice and a responsibility that you haven't always loved, but I know that you love your brothers & would do anything for them - just as I know you would me or dad.

If I had to do the 19 years all over again I would in a heart beat. You know that old saying "Hind sight is fore sight"? Well never before in my life do I understand what that means than I do now. There are so many things I would do differently if I had only known then what I know now. But in spite of all my failures as a mother you've seem to have turned out great. Thank goodness for dad, I think he made up for the things I lack & vise versa...

I know that turning 19 is bitter sweet for all of us & I've heard you say several times lately that you wished you could be 17 forever - I'm sure because turning 19 means that you are growing up & with this birthday comes many responsibilities & changes. But let me tell you this; you may no longer be a small boy or even a younger teenager - but this is a beginning to a whole new chapter in your life. An exciting new chapter that will take you through many more changes than the last 19 years... Just know that we are here for you always. We love you & are so proud of the young man you have become & we look forward to the man you are becoming! Happy birthday Zak!!